


Direction to Perfection

by EntreNous



Category: Actor RPF, Star Trek RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Bisexual Character, First Time, Kid Fic, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:14:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8323969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EntreNous/pseuds/EntreNous
Summary: One more glance at those beautifully muscled arms reminded Zach that this man's amazing body also came attached to one thing at the top of Zach's Do Not Want list: a grubby kid clinging to him. Or, Chris Pine is a gorgeous as fuck, super smart, older guy Zach wants to hook up with pronto.  But why does Chris have to come with a five-year-old son?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For [Janey-Jane](https://tmblr.co/m26eJOtdqxJlTPccFeKacyg), who is a treasure and shares my love for Chris Pine's [hot young dad beard](http://entrenous88.tumblr.com/tagged/with-your-hot-young-dad-beard). I really appreciate her patience with me as this transformed from a little ficlet I was supposed to share this summer to the 19K story it is now. Thank you very much to [rabidchild67](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidchild67/pseuds/rabidchild67) for her insightful beta help and general awesomeness!

Zach stood on the edge of the intersection near MacAfee Park, dimly hearing the cars zipping by as he fumbled with his phone and his coffee cup. As he thumbed down his notifications, rolling his eyes at the numerous _Call me!_ texts from Tyler, a small kid on a tricycle suddenly careened toward him.

Automatically his hand dropped the coffee cup to shoot out and grabbed the handlebars, thankfully just before the boy could propel himself into traffic.

"Hey, little guy," he said with some alarm. He spared a mournful glance for his coffee, now only a dark sad splatter on the cement. "Slow down! Don't you see the cars?" 

"I'm real good at riding this, though," the kid said, obviously unappreciative of how close he'd come to being smooshed by a garbage truck. "Yesterday I rode around this block eighteen times all by myself."

"Yeah, sure. That sounds believable." Zach kept his hand on the boy's trike as he peered around. Surely some lady wearing capris and jazzy flats would turn up any second, sprinting over to lay claim of her wayward son. "Where's your mom, buddy?"

"England," the kid answered casually. 

"England?" Zach repeated, his stomach sinking at this unexpected twist. Disturbing pictures began to fill his head, horrible family-comedy-style images of his life forever torn asunder as he suddenly became saddled with raising an abandoned traffic-ignoring child. "No. No way. She can't be in England."

"Well, she is." The kid squinted up at him, shading his startling blue eyes with one small hand. Then he nodded decisively and stuck his little hand out. "I'm Jeffy. Who're you?"

In the interests of speeding things along, Zach shook the offered hand quickly. "Okay, hey Jeffy, I'm Zach. But someone's got to be watching you, right? Even if your mom's in England?" 

"Daddy," Jeffy answered. "He's always watching me."

"You don't say?" Zach muttered, looking around for the father. That neglectful dad, probably some insufferable rich ass too busy watching his extremely robust stock portfolio to keep an eye on his kid, had better be showing up any minute now. Zach was nobody's babysitter, after all. Plus he had to meet Zoe at yoga so she wouldn't whack him on the head later for standing her up. 

Luckily, a second later a man turned the corner on the park path. He pulled up short, looking around wildly. But as soon as he spotted the kid, he bolted in their direction.

"Oh my god, Jeffy! Are you all right? I looked away for two seconds to dig out your juice box and --" 

The guy gathered Jeffy up from the tricycle and pulled him close, burying his face in the crook of his son's neck. He was indeed holding a crushed juice box in his hand, like he'd squeezed it in alarm when he realized his son had pedaled away. 

Usually Zach wasn't big on men who had what looked like pink lemonade stains on their weirdly diaphanous cream-colored t-shirts. But Zach took a shaky breath as his eyes scanned toned arms, trim hips in slim jeans, an amazing ass that Zach's fingers actually twitched to grab, like really hard, and -- wait, were those actual navy blue espadrilles with tiny anchors on his feet? 

So, okay, fashion might not have been his forte. But he probably got all kinds of special dispensations on account of how crazy hot his body was.

But then again Zach hadn't gotten a really good look at his face. It had to be completely boring, Zach decided distractedly, because it wouldn't be fair to the rest of humanity otherwise. Especially since the man had soft-looking sandy colored hair shot through with golden strands, with just enough length for tugging if, say, Zach happened to rake his fingers through it. 

Normally Zach wouldn't mind sticking around to find out if the handsome went all over (and then see if it wanted to accompany him somewhere semi-private for closer inspection). But one more glance at those beautifully muscled arms reminded Zach that this man's amazing body also came attached to one thing at the top of Zach's Do Not Want list: a grubby kid clinging to him. So it was probably best to beat it, and die curious about how questionably good looking Jeffy's dad was. 

As the reunion embrace on the corner went on, Zach took a cautious step to the side. When neither of the father and son team hugging it out noticed, he sidled further away and quickly checked the time on his phone. Maybe if he hightailed it out of there quickly enough, he could pick up another cup of joe and still make it to Bikram yoga before the instructor locked him out for missing the warm up. 

But of course Jeffy, who clearly had a vendetta aimed at Zach's beautifully laid out Saturday plans, had to ruin everything. 

He patted his father on the shoulder with one of his grimy tiny hands and piped up, "It's okay, Daddy; don't be sad! Zach saved me from the cars! See? He's right there!"

"Oh!" The man looked up, startled, finally taking notice of the speeding vehicles on the street, and Zach, frozen in mid-ditch on the sidewalk. 

Zach actually had to put his hand on his chest. Dear god. He was absolutely gorgeous -- leading-man good looks with full lips and the most beautiful blue eyes Zach had ever had the pleasure of gazing into. Sure, okay, he had to have a good ten years on Zach, which wasn't something Zach had ever had on his radar when cruising for a hookup. But faced with this kind of head to toe perfection (even clad in espadrilles as those toes were), exemptions were definitely in order.

"Oh god, hi," the man blurted, "Hi, Zach, thank you, thank you so much." He kissed his son fervently on the head and then moved him with practiced ease to his left hip so that he could stick a hand out at Zach. The gesture perfectly mirrored the way Jeffy had stuck out his own determined little hand only minutes before. 

"I'm Chris," the guy went on breathlessly, and Zach swallowed hard, because this was the most unfair thing ever to happen. That low rich voice was doing things to him, and now was not the time for those kinds of things. This wasn't the back of a club or the dark stalls of the medieval literature collection at his favorite library. Besides, this guy being older was the least of Zach's issues with him. A dude with a kid in his arms didn't just come with said kid; he obviously liked women enough to procreate with them, and was therefore most likely off limits.

"I don't know what happened," Chris continued, shaking his head and making his silky hair flop over his forehead. "I was watching him, and I turned around -- as soon as I looked back he was just gone. My heart was in my throat! So, thank you so much for helping. Lots of people probably wouldn't have done anything, and then --" He tugged Jeffy close again and hugged him hard as he beamed at Zach, oblivious to his son starting to squirm impatiently.

"It was no big deal," Zach said hastily. Despite trying to sound chill, he could hear the note of irritation creeping into his voice. Now was not the time to notice that the hot young dad beard Chris sported was tantalizingly peppered with grey hairs. His whole...everything was amazing, and it was singularly unjust that it came in a package that wasn't for Zach-approved consumption. 

Clearly the situation was already a hot mess in the making. But it was only now, when the man's grateful smile turned full force on him, that Zach got that tell-tale fluttering feeling in his stomach that always spelled trouble. Not just the annoying complications of a one-night stand with expectations sort of trouble, but the kind that would keep Zach up nights wondering and wishing and muffling obscenities into his pillow. He could feel himself faltering where he stood. When the guy actually licked his lips nervously, Zach had to stifle a defeated groan. Seriously, he should pivot and sprint away right then; this could only end in tragedy.

"Zach spilled," Jeffy announced, pointing to the coffee splatter on the sidewalk. "I spill my milk all the time, and Daddy says it's okay," he reassured Zach. 

"I'm guessing that happened when this one bowled you over, huh?" Chris laughed slightly. He finally put Jeffy down, and the boy hopped back on his tricycle like that was his default setting. "Let me buy you a cup of coffee? It's the least I can do." 

Before Zach could answer no, it was totally okay, but he'd be on his merry way, thanks, Chris ran his left hand through his hair. Zach's eyes automatically zoomed in on the conspicuous lack of wedding ring. 

His heart thumped faster. It didn't mean anything, obviously. Some married dudes didn't wear rings. Zach knew his best course of action would absolutely be to step-pivot away from all of this right the hell now.

"Sure, why not?" he heard himself say blithely.

"Great! Okay, ready?"

"Ready!" Jeffy agreed, feet poised on the pedals of his trike. 

Zach fell into step beside Chris, his hands shoved into his pockets and internally cursing his own stupidity, as Chris helped navigate his son's tricycle across the street.

But then as they walked, Chris's large warm hand briefly rested on Zach's shoulder, as if he was pulling Zach into his protective orbit while he shepherded the group of them across the street. So Zach gave up telling himself he should veer right and make excuses, and instead went ahead and leaned (in a totally un-obvious way, of course) into Chris's touch.

* * *

The coffee date was going way better than Zach had assumed it would -- not that it was a date, he kept reminding himself, even as Chris's eyes crinkled appealingly when he listened to Zach, or Chris let out a hearty laugh at whatever dumb joke Zach had just made. But what the hell, it had a ton of date-like aspects. On the armless artisanal chair Zach had snagged, he was ideally positioned to gaze right across the table into Chris's amazing blue eyes. And though they had yet to move beyond mundane chatter, Chris seemed to hang on to every word Zach was saying. 

Maybe, just maybe, what Zach had been reading as Chris's straight vibes were a little more flexible than he'd first thought.

Still, no matter how interested Chris seemed in talking to him, there was a big thing that definitely kept their koffee klatch from the date category, and that thing was swinging his sneakered feet, occasionally kicking Zach in the shins, making _vroom!_ sounds with a green plastic truck he kept revving on the table, and interrupting the conversation at regular intervals to demand more whipped cream for his hot chocolate.

"I think you've had plenty, sweetheart," Chris said, placing his large hand on his son's head briefly as he shot Zach a knowing look. 

"What?" Zach asked, pretending innocence. Granted, Zach might have been guilty of taking Jeffy's hot chocolate back over to the barista station once or twice (okay, three times) to get him a top off, but it was for a good cause. It wasn't that he was invested in Jeffy's fatty dairy intake (even though he was pretty sure he'd read somewhere that crap was good for kid's brains). He just had the strong suspicion that once Jeffy got antsy and decided it was time to go, Chris would immediately hit the road. And that would end Zach's gamble to see if there was even the tiniest chance he could get with Chris. 

So clearly Jeffy was a necessary hot-chocolate-swigging evil. But all that beverage re-garnishing must have earned Zach some serious points, because suddenly Jeffy piped up, "Zach, can you come home and have macaroni and cheese with me?" His wide blue eyes were beseeching, like he was uber-invested in getting Zach in on his lunch plans.

Zach felt his lips part. Actually getting to head back to Chris's place? Who knew Jeffy would get an upgrade from unavoidable baggage to potential ally? 

"Oh, Zach probably has other stuff to do with his Saturday," Chris said, setting down the remains of his double espresso. While Zach tried to conceal his aggravation at Chris shooting down Jeffy's awesome plan, Chris added, "And good job trying to sneak macaroni and cheese onto the lunch menu, buddy. But like I told you earlier, we're having hummus and veggie wraps."

Jeffy frowned at the tabletop and kicked his legs. Zach bit the inside of his mouth and felt sorely tempted to do the same. 

"But Zach saved me from traffic," Jeffy wheedled, lifting his hands up as though in supplication to a higher power. "He probably needs macaroni and cheese."

"Veggie wraps," Chris said kindly but firmly. And then to Zach: "Sorry, we don't usually try to lure strangers back to our lair, but he seems to have taken a real shine to you." When Jeffy suddenly leaned far back to look at his dad in confusion, Chris rested his hand at Jeffy's back so he wouldn't fall off his seat. 

"What's a lair?" Jeffy asked, his eyes darting back and forth between his father and Zach.

At that, Zach raised an eyebrow, and Chris, for whatever reason, actually blushed. When Zach grinned, because how cute was that, Chris only blushed harder. Zach couldn't help but lick his lips; that macaroni and cheese was sounding better all the time. He opened his mouth to try to salvage the invite. 

But before he could speak, Chris shook his head. "We've already taken up plenty of Zach's time. We're going home, we'll have lunch, and then it's a nap for you." 

"But Daddy," Jeffy whined, and Zach did his best not to wince. He'd be way more on board with having Jeffy as his collaborator if Jeffy never used that grating tone again. 

"I'm not hungry," Jeffy insisted. "And I'm NOT TIRED!"

At Jeffy's outburst, a woman at a nearby table with an awesome updo and way too many bangles on her arms looked up from her laptop and rolled her eyes at Zach. Usually Zach would be rolling his eyes right back in commiseration -- _oh my god, annoying small child ruining café spaces, there ought to be a law, right?_ But that didn't seem like the right move if he was going to position himself on Team Chris, so he instead glared at her disapprovingly until she frowned and refocused on her screen. 

"Jeffy, I can tell that you are hungry, so we need to leave," Chris told him calmly. "Grab your truck, and we'll head home."

"Nooooooo," Jeffy protested with a wail.

"Okay. Listen to me right now. You don't want to go in time out, do you?" Chris asked, his voice dropping. 

Jeffy heaved a shaky sigh and hung his little head. His small hand closed around the green plastic truck he had atop the table, and he clutched it to his chest like it was the only thing standing between him and utter misery. 

Even if Zach wasn't big on kids, he couldn't help but feel a tiny pang at the sight; the little guy looked pretty bummed out. So if he came up with a solution that would make Jeffy feel better, he was kind of a hero, right? And if it got Zach another shot to spend time with Chris, and even made him seem like the kind of person who actually cared about a hot guy's super whiny kid, well. Bonus.

"Tell you what," Zach said directly to Jeffy. "Even though we have different plans today, we can still do something together soon."

"Really?" Jeffy asked. His eyes went wide.

"Sure! How about you guys meet me at the park next Saturday, around the same time as today? That way, we can hang out more."

Immediately Jeffy beamed at him. "Daddy, can we?" He turned to Chris to tug at him. "Promise, and put it in the calendar so you won't forget." Jeffy immediately made a grab for his dad's phone, no doubt to mash in a series of nonsense consonants as a reminder, but Chris successfully evaded his reach, laying his big hand on his son's small one. 

"Oh! That would be great, if you really don't mind," Chris said. He laughed self-consciously and added, "Just don't feel obliged to see us again just because we hijacked you today." 

"Are you kidding? I'd love to hang out with you," Zach said. And sure, maybe he mainly said it to Chris. But he couldn't deny it was kind of cute that both Chris's and Jeffy's blue eyes instantly lit up at his words. 

"That sounds fantastic," Chris said as he grinned, and Zach practically had to hold onto the table so he wouldn't sway where he sat. God, his _smile_ ; it was like the sun coming out after a string of stormy days. "It'd be nice to have some plans coming up. We moved to town pretty recently, and we don't know a lot of people in the area yet."

Zach could feel his own smile faltering for a second. Okay, was he handling this all wrong? On the one hand, he didn't want to represent the Good Neighbor Brigade; he wanted to get into Chris's pants. But on the other hand, if Chris was new in town and kind of lonely, and Zach was offering company, that just increased the flexibility factor that Zach was counting on.

"Well, hey, just think of me as your personal welcome wagon," he said, leaning in and lowering his voice, and watching with interest as color rose to Chris's cheeks again.

* * *

"He's got a kid?" Zoe asked skeptically.

When Zach had shown up at her apartment with a conciliatory package of a half-dozen peanut butter cups, she'd been a huge pain about him missing yoga. Even as he apologized for the thousandth time, she'd gone on and on about how because Zach wasn't there, she'd been forced to position her mat next to some man who let out "these awful, earnest, _haaaaaaaa--ah-ah-ahhhh!_ sounds whenever we took on a new pose, like a total and utter asshole. And I had to listen to that while we did the crow today, Zach; the crow!" 

Unfortunately, even as her rant about yoga class had lost steam, she hadn't gotten any more fun when Zach had furnished her with the explanation of why he hadn't met her.

"Well, yeah, he's got a kid," he allowed, adjusting himself on the enormous couch that dominated her tiny living space. "And a weirdly hot beard, but I noticed you didn't focus on that even though I mentioned it like three times. Anyway, if you think about it, the kid brought us together. After all, I wouldn't have met the guy if --"

"Oh, and maybe he's also got an ex-wife? Or even a current wife?" She sat back as she broke the last peanut butter cup in two, totally failing him to offer him half. "Like, did that huge issue ever get settled?"

"It couldn't get settled. She's in England," Zach said defensively. "Obviously I didn't ask about her yet, because you know, this stuff has got to be handled delicately."

"Delicately," she repeated. "Oh my god. You're going to do work for this one? How old is this hot young dad anyway?"

"I don't know," Zach admitted. "Probably in the...early-thirties range?" So what if he was possibly aging Chris down a little for Zoe's benefit? Chris had a totally boyish air to him. "And I can do work," he added. 

She ate the last of the chocolate as she stared him down. "Well," she said finally. "That's new, at least."

"What, the older man thing? Or the work?" he asked, confused. 

"Both!"

They frowned at each other until he grumbled, "Hey, I don't roll my eyes at you when you start pining over rando guys."

"At least I pine over rando guys I can technically get," Zoe snapped. "He's got at least ten years on you, plus a kid? Also, just to make it extra challenging, he's probably straight. How about you walk away while you can?"

Zach grabbed an overly floral couch pillow and covered his face with it. "But he's just so freaking hot and sensitive and gorgeous and did I mention hot?" Too bad he could hear her scoffing even through the cheap foam insert.

When he made a whimpering sound, though, she pried the pillow off him. "What about that hot little twink you made me talk to at that club, Tyler?" she asked with exaggerated patience. "Can't you focus on getting with him instead?"

"Oh, him." Zach waved that idea off briskly. "We already fucked three times. Over it."

She sat silently for a moment. "Do you see how maybe that doesn't really bode well for you trying to develop an actual relationship with hot sensitive probably straight man, if you're over Tyler after only three times?"

"No way," Zach protested. "Tyler had literally nothing inside his brain. Good sex can only take you so far. Chris is...he seems really cool! His smile is like...and he's clearly crazy smart. Plus, did I tell you about his biceps?"

"There's got to be some other cute guy you can hook up with who doesn't come with a child and potentially other major life complications," she reasoned.

"But I want this one," he said. "And I told you, he's new in town. It would probably be good for him to, you know, explore things. With me." When she looked at him askance, he added, "I mean with sex."

"Somehow I got that," she said, shaking her head. "If you're asking me, though, I don't think it's the best idea for you to see him again."

"Too bad it's not up to you, then. Like I told you before, he already texted me to make sure I have next week's plan in my calendar," he said smugly.

"And he texted you to make sure because..." she prompted.

"Jeffy told him to," Zach added reluctantly. He definitely shouldn't have let slip that part to her. 

"Well." She sighed heavily. "His kid likes you lots already. I guess that's a start to this mess that will no doubt end in tears?"

"Yay!" Zach said, pulling her up into an impromptu dance with him.

"I did not say I was on board with this," she protested. But she let him dance her around the living room anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

"Look, Daddy, look look look," Jeffy was shouting as he ran at Zach pell-mell and flung himself around Zach's legs.

"Hey, buddy," Zach greeted him, touching Jeffy's golden hair briefly.

"You came!" Jeffy beamed up at him. 

"I sure did."

"Look who I brought," Jeffy said urgently, holding up a Barbie wearing one kicky orange heel and a matching strappy sundress. She also boasted the rather distinctive feature of a missing head.

"Wow, that's..." Zach paused, unsure where this thing was headed. "She's -- yeah. Look at her, huh?"

"That's Fun in the Sun Barbie," Jeffy explained, tilting the doll so that Zach could see her. "Her head got lost at the Bounce Zone. But she can still be anything she wants. Like a trash man."

"Good for her," Zach said automatically. The way Jeffy was brandishing her, Headless Barbie did have a certain can-do air.

"Hey," Chris said warmly as he caught up to them. "I see you've met Barbie."

"We were actually just discussing her career goals," Zach said.

Chris smiled brightly, the expression startlingly similar to the grin on his son's face. "I've got to tell you, Jeffy was so excited to come to the park today. He's been talking all week about seeing you again."

"Daddy, _we've both_ been talking all week about seeing Zach together," Jeffy said reproachfully. He'd yet to detach himself from Zach.

"Um." Chris coughed, and his cheeks bloomed with a gorgeous flush.

"Well, you must have known I'd bring you a cup of hot chocolate," Zach told Jeffy.

Jeffy's little mouth formed into a round "o" of surprise and he took a step back to search Zach's face, gauging whether he was telling the truth. 

"With extra whipped cream," Zach added, gesturing to the tray of beverages he had balanced on a nearby bench.

"Can I have it, Daddy?" Jeffy pleaded.

"Okay, go ahead," Chris said, obviously amused.

"Oh man, I probably should have asked first, right?" Zach said in an undertone to Chris. 

"It's a treat, but it's fine, since we're doing something special with a friend," Chris said absently. 

And they had achieved friend status already; Zach mentally gave himself a point. Then he went ahead and gave himself two more points, because he probably deserved them.

When Zach handed him the drink, Chris took off the lid carefully before adding, "Don't chug it, Jeffy, you'll burn your tongue."

"I told them to slip an ice cube in, pre-whipped-cream-dolloping," Zach murmured. 

Chris's eyes crinkled as he beamed at Zach, and he squeezed Zach's upper arm for a moment. "That's so thoughtful, and -- oh, thank you," he added in surprise when Zach handed him a drink as well. 

"Double-espresso, right?" Zach asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, you remembered right. Thanks, man, this is perfect." Chris took a sip and closed his eyes in pleasure.

Zach busied himself getting his own soy chai latte from the tray so he wouldn't stare hungrily at Chris's blissed-out expression.

When Chris took another swallow and made an appreciative low moan, Zach asked desperately, "So, should we head to the swings or something?" 

"Sorry? Oh, sure, that sounds great."

They chatted about random things as they walked over to the nearest playground, keeping an eye on Jeffy, who apparently needed to collect a pocketful of rocks and moss and hit a big stick against a tree trunk.

"Kids!" Jeffy announced in excitement when they arrived at an area with padded ground and obscenely colorful playground equipment. There were a number of children, most of them around Jeffy's size or smaller, toddling around under the watchful gaze of parents and nannies. 

"Go on ahead. I'll be right here," Chris told his son indulgently. "But leave your drink, sweetheart; you can come back for it."

"'Kay!" Jeffy took off full force toward a teeter-totter and a little boy standing next to it who froze on approach, apparently mesmerized by Jeffy's sprinting.

For a moment they watched Jeffy as he pulled up short and started a silent staring contest with the other boy. 

Zach's gaze flicked over to Chris, and suddenly he felt a weird panic well up in his gut. He'd wanted to get Chris alone, absolutely, and this was as near as he would get to it for the time being. But he was used to meeting guys who were ready to head off with him as soon as they'd established they were both down to fuck. He wasn't totally sure how to handle an older guy who might or might not be interested (and definitely wouldn't be up for abandoning his son to the mercies of the playground).

"Look, a bench," Zach said like a total dope, actually jabbing his finger toward the closest empty one.

Luckily Chris didn't comment on his penchant for pointing out the obvious. He just took a seat and sprawled companionably, lifting his coffee cup to his lips.

Zach slid into place next to him, careful not to get so close that Chris might feel weird and shift away, but not so far away as to take all potential contact off the table just yet.

He opened his mouth to say something, and found he didn't know where to start. It didn't help any that he couldn't help his gaze zeroing in on those full lips, Chris's throat working as he swallowed, the appreciative sound Chris made at his next sip of espresso. Zach had always prided himself on never entering the barista profession, but right now he felt fully prepared to learn the intricacies of pulling shots if it meant keeping Chris supplied with his favorite beverage.

"It's great to get a chance to hang out with an actual adult instead of running interference by the slide," Chris said. He touched Zach's arm briefly as he smiled.

"Mmmhmm," Zach said, mostly to keep himself from grabbing Chris's hand and bursting out, "You are one crazy beautiful man, and I want to get you alone and yank off all your clothes so I can bite you all over." 

They sat in silence for a few more moments, watching passers-by stroll or hurry past. Zach couldn't help but glance at Chris's left hand, now resting on his thigh, just inches away from Zach's hand. He could reach out casually and brush their fingers together if he wanted, just to see where things went from there. 

But when he looked down at Chris's hand again, psyching himself up for some "accidental" contact, his eyes zeroed in on that band-free ring finger. Then his stupid brain had to drum up the clip of Zoe asking pointedly, _Did that huge issue ever get settled?_

"Actually. I wanted to ask you if --" Chris began as he half-turned toward Zach on the bench. 

But at the same time, Zach blurted out, "So, Jeffy's mom is in England?" He nearly hit himself on the forehead when Chris paused, obviously startled. "Uh. Sorry. You were saying?"

"Um." Chris's eyes darted over to Jeffy, who unfortunately chose that moment to hit the kid near the teeter-totter with his Headless Barbie. "Oh, no, don't do that. Play nice, honey," Chris called out. 

Jeffy looked up in surprise and immediately stashed Barbie behind his back. 

Chris slid both his palms down to his knees, a clear pre-getting-up stance. "I should probably head over there. I don't get it. Sometimes he hits it off with other kids immediately; other times --"

"He hits them?" Zach put in, and then laughed awkwardly when Chris looked chagrined. "No, no, he's fine! You absolutely should stay put."

Chris automatically looked back to the playground scene. "Well, he hasn't shoved him yet, so that's something."

"See?" Zach elbowed him playfully. "Don't they say you should let kids work out their own conflicts?" And really, that was great advice, because when Zach looked back surreptitiously, the little boy Jeffy had smacked was already running away. So plainly Jeffy could handle himself, what with the doll weapon and crafty ability to hide evidence. "You were going to ask me something?" he prompted Chris.

"She's finishing a prestigious fellowship in London," Chris said quickly. Then he blinked. "What?"

"Who?" Zach asked blankly.

"Oh! Um. You asked about my ex-wife?"

"Ex-wife, ex, okay, right!" Zach nodded several times, his eyes wide to show he was paying proper attention. It was either that or do a totally triumphant but possibly inappropriate fist-pump at the oh-so-welcome news that Chris's wife was very much a former wife. 

"She -- I guess I mentioned last time that she's in England?" Chris shrugged uncomfortably. "She's in talks to take up an appointment there right now. And since Alice's position may not come through, and my teaching job at the university here will last at least three years, it made sense for Jeffy to be with me full time."

Zach tilted his head to the side, making his expression as earnest and sympathetic as possible. It was a little hard to keep up while still doing his best to convey the complete lie that Chris had in fact mentioned his ex, instead of Zach gleaning that info when Jeffy had been about to shoot off the sidewalk into traffic. 

"Your teaching job?" he offered when Chris paused. "Wait, are you working over at Spenser University?"

"I will be officially in a few weeks, yeah. A tenure-track position would be better, of course, but they're hard to come by these days. I'm feeling lucky I landed this job, especially since there's the option for contract renewal down the line. It's been tricky negotiating time for Alice to see Jeffy, though, with the distance and our schedules. They haven't seen each other in a few months now." Chris raised his cup to his mouth, looking troubled.

"That's awesome," Zach told him gleefully. "I mean, _awful_ ," he added with grim emphasis at once when Chris appeared confused. "I mean -- good for you, with your job, here three years! But it must be hard on Jeffy, having his mom gone, right?"

Chris glanced back at the playground, where Jeffy had joined some kids in a sandbox and seemed to be playing peaceably for the moment. "You know, sometimes I think the move has been harder on him. At this point Jeffy's used to the two of us being separated; he remembers us being apart more than he does us being together. And Alice's work has always kept her busier than mine has, so I've been the primary parent from the get-go. She's incredibly ambitious and well-regarded in her field already."

Zach nodded, trying to ignore his heart sinking at the pride in Chris's voice. "That's cool."

Chris smiled at him briefly. "Yeah. If she ends up staying, he'll go to her for a month this summer, and we'll visit back and forth a few times during the year. But most of the time he's with me, which is great. The university has a lab school I've managed to get him admitted to, so he'll start preschool there around the time I begin teaching."

"Yeah, I have a friend who teaches there," Zach said absently.

"At the university?" Chris asked with renewed interest. "Wait, this is crazy -- are you an academic as well? It's just you seem really young." He blinked rapidly and took a swig of his espresso. "I mean, not that you're too young," he said, obviously fumbling. 

"No, I mean." Zach cleared his throat. "I've got a friend who teaches at the lab school -- fourth grade. I'm not an academic or anything. But I am going to grad school this fall, getting my M.F.A. in Theater. I quit my office job in June so I could take the summer off, sort of gearing up for the next term." He tried to think fast about how he would answer if Chris asked his actual age. Was twenty-five too young for Chris to consider (depending of course on whether Chris was already into trying things with guys in the first place)? And if Chris bought that Zach was twenty-five, could Zach slip into the convo at some later date that he was actually twenty-three?

"That's wonderful," Chris said warmly. "And you'd be able to teach with that, if you want."

"Hoping to parlay it into stage roles instead, but yeah, I would have that option to fall back on," Zach said.

"Oh, that's fantastic." Chris leaned in, stretching one arm across the back of the bench. "What kinds of productions have you been in already?"

Zach froze and did his best not to glance back and calculate how much space was between Chris's arm and him.

There was a choked sound nearby. "Um, _Zach_?" a voice said in a clipped, annoyed tone.

"Oh. Hey, Tyler," Zach said. For there was Tyler, standing with his arms crossed, a tiny yappy dog at the end of the leash in his hand. He looked amazing, long-legged in skinny jeans and a fussy-but-meant-to-be-casual drape-y shirt. Plus Zach already knew intimately what a hot little body he had underneath all the trendy clothing. But then again, as Tyler glared peevishly at Zach and Chris in turn, it wasn't too hard to remember why the appeal stopped there. 

"Okay, so, this is so funny, running into you!" Tyler exclaimed. "Because I thought you said you were busy? Like, all this weekend?" He stooped to pick up his dog and clutched it to his chest. "Zach told me he was busy all weekend," he snapped at Chris.

Chris cleared his throat and moved his arm off the back of the bench.

"Yeah," Zach said evenly. He could also catch in his peripheral vision that a blush was rising on Chris's cheeks, and he looked more than a little uncomfortable. "And I am -- I have plans. But, you know. We'll hang out some other time, maybe." 

"Right," Tyler said flatly. "Well. See you around, or whatever." 

"Take care," Zach called as Tyler stormed away. 

Chris laughed lightly. "Why do I get the feeling you're in trouble?"

"Pfft, I'm totally not. Whatever that was, it's over," Zach said quickly. "I mean, it was over before I even pushed myself off the mattress, you know?"

"Oh. Okay," Chris said. His face became even redder as he looked away. 

Zach bit the inside of his cheek. He was such a dumbass; here was Chris, this older, responsible guy, obviously committed to being in long relationships. He'd been married, for Christ's sake. Now he was likely thinking Zach was a total man-whore. 

"It's not like I don't do boyfriends," Zach tried to explain. "But with him, it was more just super-hot frantic one-time sex. Three times." 

Chris's face made a complicated expression before he stammered out, "Right, sure."

"I should probably shut up right about now," Zach offered.

"No, no, that's fine. I know how that goes," Chris said awkwardly. Then he slumped where he sat. "Actually, I don't really know how that goes. Alice and I got married early on when we were in grad school. Before that I'd only dated one girl seriously, and that lasted through most of college. I'm not really good with the whole..." He gestured vaguely. 

"It's not like you have to date everyone on the face of the planet to know how it goes," Zach said. Okay, so the whole serial monogamy with women info was a huge bummer, but it didn't mean there weren't possibilities, right? Chris actually seemed like he could potentially be kind of into Zach -- he was sitting way closer on the bench than he needed to. Come to think of it, he had been a little bit touchy-feely the whole morning. On the other hand, since they'd run into Tyler, he'd inched away, sitting a lot more stiffly than he had been earlier. 

"Yeah, I guess not," Chris said. He glanced over to the playground and breathed out, "Ah, fuck."

Zach followed his gaze and spotted Jeffy, who was now tussling with another kid twice his size. "Well, crap," he said feelingly. 

"Hang on a sec, okay?" Chris sprang up without waiting for an answer and loped over in an easy run, calling, "Hey now, hey guys!" By the time he'd nearly reached them, the two kids had stopped their vigorous wrestling session.

One of the moms standing on the playground's periphery immediately got to her feet as soon as Chris broke into a jog; obviously she was responsible for the mean bully picking on a kid littler than him. She looked less irritable or apologetic than Zach might have imagined, though. In fact, it seemed like she was mentally working herself into prowl mode. 

"Goddamn it," Zach muttered to himself, watching the scene. "Hey, handsome man," he narrated as the woman greeted Chris with an affected looking laugh and a delicate touch to his biceps. "I'm recently divorced straight lady with blond hair who does Pilates. Let's fuck and make more perfect babies together." 

Both the kids looked up at their parents, evidently awaiting some kind of judgment. When none came, as the woman kept right on chatting and smiling, the other boy wandered away -- in search of new prey, no doubt. Well, obviously Zach hadn't seen how things had gone down exactly, but he was getting increasingly convinced that Jeffy was pretty okay, and he knew for a fact that most other little kids sucked.

Chris smiled and nodded at the woman, and Zach briefly buried his face in his hands, moaning quietly to himself. Maybe he should just sneak off now, save himself the embarrassment of hearing that Chris and the blond lady were going to take their respective kids to some fun-time family restaurant where they made sundaes that looked like clowns or whatever.

When he looked up again, though, Jeffy was staring at him from about a foot away, obviously having broken away from the conversation out of boredom. 

"Can I have more of my chocklit?" he asked, thrusting out his little hand to tug at Zach's new striped hoodie for emphasis.

"You bet you can," Zach told him, handing over the cup.

Jeffy sipped carefully, making a little "Ah!" sound of satisfaction. He took another slug before he managed to climb up on to the bench next to Zach, thankfully without getting hot (probably now cold) chocolate everywhere. 

Zach couldn't help but gaze back to the playground romance unfolding before his eyes. Blond lady was smiling like she had this one in the bag, and Zach silently seethed at the flash of her no-doubt whitened teeth. 

But the more he watched, the more he could see that Chris looked like a deer caught in headlights. He scratched at his beard twice in what seemed like a self-conscious tic, and a few moments later, he started glancing around like he was plotting an escape. When blond Pilates lady took a step forward, Chris swayed in place before he took a step back.

"Looks like the tide is turning," Zach murmured. He should go ahead and load himself up with all the points, because Chris definitely didn't act uncomfortable like that with him. 

Jeffy plonked down his cup on the bench with a minor splash of chocolate beverage to the ground. A nearby pigeon took note and began to sidle over.

"Zach, you're my friend," Jeffy said seriously, unheeding of the couple of pigeons now crowding below his swinging sneakered feet.

"Absolutely," Zach said immediately. It's not like he'd been itching to gain a five year old pal, but Jeffy was sort of growing on him. 

"So can you come have a sleepover at my house?"

Zach grinned at him, feeling a weird surge of fondness at Jeffy's earnest little expression. "Well, I appreciate the invite, buddy. But that's more for kids your own age."

"But kids your age have sleepovers too," Jeffy argued. "Mommy said that sometimes Daddy might have a sleepover, but probably only when it's a really, really good friend, but that it's okay, and I shouldn't be angry if he does." Jeffy screwed up his little face. "I wouldn't care if Daddy had a good friend sleep over; I don't know why she thinks I'd get all mad. And if he gets to have someone over, then I get to, too. Plus, when there are sleepovers you have to make pancakes. Those are just the rules." 

"Wow. Your mommy definitely seems like she's prepping you for some stuff." Zach's gaze flickered back to the woman still animatedly chattering to Chris. He really hoped she wasn't going to achieve her goal of becoming the first sleepover candidate.

"Mommy, she has some friends, too," Jeffy explained. "There was Uncle Benedict, and Uncle Simon for a while. Now, one of them is Uncle Nigel. Daddy says that maybe Uncle Nigel and mommy might be serious friends, but not to worry." Jeff sighed deeply. "Everyone keeps telling me not to worry."

"Yeah?" Zach frowned. "Well, that's okay, right? If, uh, your mommy and Nigel are good pals?" It was getting really fucking hard not to pump Jeffy for information, particularly as it seemed like his parents kept giving him clues about the state of their love lives. But the news that Chris's ambitious, awesome ex might be settling down with someone new seemed like good tidings for sure.

"I guess so." Jeffy finished off his hot chocolate and handed Zach the cup, like he was supposed to be the designated handler of all discards. 

When Zach glanced around for the nearest trash can, lifting his own drink to his lips to finish that off as well, that little hand tugged on his hoodie again. 

Jeffy's big blue eyes looked very wide indeed when Zach met his gaze. "But Zach! You're a really, really good friend now! So you can come have a sleepover and share Daddy's bed."

Zach promptly choked on the last of his soy chai latte. "Well," Zach rasped out as Jeffy watched him expectantly. "Um. That's. Uh. I don't --" He put his hand on his chest and tried to think about how to field that.

"But Zach?" Jeffy asked tremulously.

Zach braced himself for trying to fend off any manner of horribly weird or intimate questions about sleepovers. "Yeah, kiddo?"

"When's lunch?" Jeffy kicked his heels, clearly bored with the conversation. 

"That's a great question," Zach told him, exhaling noisily. "Maybe your dad and I can take you to get something yummy. And nutritious," he added hastily, as that key element of eating seemed like part of an ongoing stand-off between Jeffy and Chris.

"Okay! But let's not let her come," Jeffy said, pointing to the woman still smiling brightly at Chris.

"You don't like her either, huh?" Zach said conspiratorially. "Jeffy, I just knew you were an amazing judge of character."

"Her kid is mean," Jeffy said. "He had a super bouncy ball, and he wouldn't let me have a turn."

Zach nodded sagely, mentally revising who might have started the playground tussle. Not like he was going to fault Jeffy for being a scrapper. "Well, let's definitely not ask them along, then."

"Good. Now let's go."

"Soon as your dad gets back, okay?"

"But I'm hungry now!" Jeffy's face took on a quarrelsome expression that Zach immediately decided he wasn't big on. 

Luckily, just then Chris glanced back at Zach and Jeffy on the bench, and his expression brightened. He backed away from the blond lady, jerking a thumb over his shoulder at Zach and Jeffy as he explained something hastily, and finally turned and headed back to them.

The woman crossed her arms over her chest and watched the path Chris was taking. When she spotted Zach there on the bench next to Jeffy, who had just decided that for some reason he should snug up against Zach's side and rest his little head on Zach's arm, her eyes narrowed. 

Zach beamed and gave her a merry wave.

Chris looked confused, but waved back to Zach as he took the last few steps over.

"Hey, you want to all go and get some lunch together?" Zach asked Chris as soon as he was within speaking distance.

Chris exhaled and grinned. "Yeah, that sounds great. I'm starving."

"Daddy's always hungry," Jeffy explained, slithering off the bench and making the heels of his sneakers light up as he landed.

"So are you, and you totally get it from me," Chris told him. "So, how about it? You ready for some lunch too, sweetheart?"

Of course he was asking Jeffy. But he glanced up at Zach as he said it, and Zach's lips parted. 

"Lunch, lunch, lunch," Jeffy crowed, doing a weird little dance that involved lots of uncoordinated hand clapping. Graceful Jeffy was not; still, it was pretty freaking cute. Zach grinned, and when Chris met his eyes, they smiled at each other.

Jeffy grabbed his dad's hand and automatically stuck out his other one for Zach to hold.

Zach gave Jeffy's hand a little squeeze as he took it. And when Chris smiled at him fondly over his son's head, Zach tried not to melt into a puddle right there on the pavement.


	3. Chapter 3

"So he's basically straight, you're making zero progress, and you're still hanging out with this guy why?" Zoe asked from her shoulder stand pose.

"I mean, it's not zero progress," Zach argued. He could feel that his face had gone totally red from the inverted pose and now his vision was starting to blur a little. "It's only been a couple of weeks. Maybe nothing has happened yet, but I swear I'm getting this vibe from him, like maybe it could? Just because Chris has probably only been with women up until now --"

"What's the best predicator of future behavior?" she interrupted him. "Past behavior. If he's been involved with only women in the past, he's probably going to be involved with only women in the future."

"Can you save your undergrad psych stuff for those sticky nine year olds you teach?" Zach muttered as he struggled to keep his heels against the yoga studio wall.

"And that's the other part I don't get. You don't even like kids! And here you are running after a guy with one?"

"Zach, Zoe, I think it's so wonderful that you have this amazing affinity for one another," their yoga instructor, Rachel, said in her bright voice as she bent down to address them. "But could you keep the personal conversations for after our session?"

"Sure, sure," Zach told her, returning her smile upside-down.

She beamed at him and walked off to adjust someone else's positioning. 

"Oh my god, no one cares if we catch up," Zach said under his breath.

"I for one find it very hard to concentrate," the woman doing the shoulder stand on Zoe's other side sniffed. 

"Oh, we're so sorry that we disturbed you," Zoe whispered in a way that managed to sound both contrite and dismissive.

"Yeah, super sorry," Zach added, his eyes wide.

The woman barreled on, "Besides, I think you're sending out the wrong energy to the universe, going after a guy who's only interested in women."

"See?" Zoe interjected.

"Ugh, we don't know for sure that he's only interested in women," Zach hissed at both of them. 

"Hey," a bald guy who smelled strongly of patchouli exclaimed from Zach's side. "Could you please be quiet? This is supposed to be a zone of peace and contemplation."

"Yeah, well, contemplate this," Zach said, but he wasn't coordinated enough to flip the guy off while still inverted, so he had to stick out his tongue.

* * *

"Do you want any more popcorn?" Chris murmured, offering the half-full bag to Zach.

Zach shifted in his reclining movie theater chair and tried not to freak out at yet another glimmer of an opportunity. Honestly, every moment he spent with Chris was like being transported back to the should-I-or-shouldn't-I flirting prospects of high school. Should he reach for the bag and hope their fingers brushed? If they did, would it wig Chris out if Zach segued it into semi-holding his hand or even a full grab? Should he instead whisper that he was good, thanks, warm breath right up against Chris's ear to gauge what kind of reaction that elicited? Jesus fucking Chris, was this a thing or wasn't it?

With nearly another month until classes would start, Zach had managed to upgrade his once-a-week confabs with Chris to meeting up several times a week. And while he was still patting himself on the back for finagling that, hanging out with Chris like this was starting to drive him around the bend.

Sure, most of it was great, amazing, even: lunches with the two of them cracking each other up; meandering walks in the park talking about the classes Chris would teach and the productions Zach hoped to be part of; low-key visits to locally famous sites since Chris was new in town, where they paid way more attention to each other than whatever they'd allegedly come to see. 

It was like Zach's most successful dating experience so far, the kind he was used to seeing in rom-com montages. It was just that he and the guy weren't technically dating. 

The thing was, though, it felt a lot like dating, or at least kind of dating, or practically almost dating. Except -- not that he was an expert or anything -- Zach was pretty sure most people's almost-dating experiences didn't include entertaining a five year old. It didn't seem like Chris was going to suggest they veer away from the status quo, and Zach for sure wasn't up for rocking the boat, so they'd ended up doing all their activities with Jeffy in tow. 

Zoe kept insisting that it was hurting his chances. "You're using his son's presence to avoid dealing with all of it," she had lectured him the last time they'd met for cocktails (and he'd left early, because he'd promised Chris and Jeffy he'd join them for an early doughnut shop breakfast the next day). But when Zach looked at her wide-eyed and said, "But Zoe, I thought you liked children," she'd thrown her hands up and told him he was on his own. 

Okay, so Zach could see that focusing on Jeffy stuff got in the way a little bit. But sometimes it felt like having Jeffy along helped a ton. Chris obviously loved his kid to bits, and the fact that said kid and Zach got along more and more was a plus, right? And even if Zach hadn't been able to decide how to move things forward, by sneaking his way into Chris's and Jeffy's plans on the regular at least he kept the single playground moms at bay. 

Besides, every time Zach opened his mouth to suggest that maybe he and Chris could get a drink some night, or wondered whether he should rest his hand on the small of Chris's back when they were crossing the street, he couldn't help but think that forcing the issue could bring everything to a screeching halt. Yeah, he wanted more. But he couldn't really handle the thought of losing the little he had. 

Plus the more Zach slipped in details about his past boyfriends or hookups in hopes of getting Chris to spill details about his previous love life, it seemed more and more clear that Chris had never tried the guy option on for size. Obviously he'd spent plenty of time in long relationships with a few women, but hell, he'd never volunteered info about anything like a furtive kiss with a boy behind the canoe shed at camp or even a little stoned messing around with guys in college, the kinds of things otherwise straight dudes often felt compelled to tell Zach about when they became friends. 

Yet the way Chris would sit close to Zach when he didn't need to, or look at Zach like he'd never met anyone that charmed him as much, or fuck it all, spent all his free time with Zach even if his son was there too -- Zach just couldn't dismiss the possibility that he and Chris could be something more.

Definitely Zach wasn't used to working this hard. Usually guys he'd be into tried to catch his eye soon after he walked into the room, and he barely had to make suggestions before they were ditching their friends to leave with him or asking when they could hang out. It helped his bruised ego a teensy bit that he'd had a bunch of offers since things with Chris had started up. But then again, those had all been offers he'd turned down, because apparently he was really into this new thing called suffering for no reason. 

Still, every time Chris smiled at him, blue eyes dazzling and warm, or did that sweet little duck of his head as he laughed at something Zach said, or the way his body inclined toward Zach most of the time, almost exactly like he was being drawn inexorably into his trajectory, Zach couldn't help but think, _oh yeah, this is totally, one hundred percent worth it_.

If he tried to rush things along, he wouldn't get fantastic, unnerving, confusing as hell moments like this one, huddled next to Chris in the dark (albeit at the crappy children's movie of the week, about animated appliances searching for their lost friend). 

As a bonus, Jeffy had been completely pliant once they hit the reclining seats. Rather than insisting on being in the middle as he sometimes did, he'd just climbed up onto the seat on Chris's other side and leaned against his dad lovingly, watching the screen with big eyes as the action unfolded. 

About a third of the way through the film Jeffy had even fallen asleep, his head conked against Chris's arm, his thumb stuck into his mouth.

"I thought we'd shaken that habit last winter," Chris whispered, gesturing towards Jeffy when he caught Zach glancing down. "But when we moved, he started up again."

Jeffy mumbled something against Chris's sleeve and twitched before going limp again. Zach couldn't help but smile at him; he looked so fucking adorable snoozing there. Then Zach looked up and realized Chris had drifted a little closer when he spoke, and they were now only inches apart. 

Now was the time to say something, like, _Hey, would it be cool if I kiss you?_ , or _Have I told you how amazing you are?_ , or maybe even _Did you know that you're all I think about anymore?_

Instead Zach murmured, "That's a drag, though. You don't want his teeth to turn out all funky." He nearly took the bag of popcorn to dump it over his head; way to kill the mood with the least romantic reply in the world. 

But Chris just sighed and angled a little closer. "I'm afraid he's in for it anyway. Three years of braces when I was in middle school." He made a face at the memory.

"Oh, come on, I bet you looked ridiculously cute with braces," Zach said without thinking. "Everything looks amazing on you."

Chris smiled to himself. Even in the dark Zach could catch the beginnings of the blush on his cheeks. "I don't know about amazing," he whispered, "but thanks."

"Hey," Zach said softly to get his attention, already starting to lean in. 

Chris looked up, so close. His full lips had parted, and his tongue flicked out to wet them. Another centimeter and his beard would brush against Zach's face. 

"Sshhh," a woman in front of them hissed as she turned to glare. "My daughter cannot hear the movie with all that talking!"

Chris jerked away from Zach, slamming against his arm-rest. Of course the sudden move jostled Jeffy, who made a whiny sound.

"Oh, like your kid wasn't just screeching like a banshee half an hour ago," Zach retorted. 

The woman huffed and faced forward again. 

"Like a banshee?" Chris repeated. He looked like he was holding back laugher as he grabbed Zach's wrist and squeezed. 

"Uh," Zach said, looking down. Was this like a hand-holding invite, or just a "shut up and don't get the mean soccer mom on our case" warning clutch? 

While he was angsting over it and debating how to ease this into a fingers-entwining situation, Chris's hand slipped away.

"I don't want to watch this anymore; change the channel," Jeffy grumbled, sitting up to rub his eyes and overturn the popcorn all over the floor, apparently already on his way to a mini-meltdown.

* * *

"So that was the almost kiss," Zach finished as he wrapped up the story in the middle of the food co-op. "And the almost hand-holding. And then obviously Jeffy threw an enormous fit because he got startled awake, poor kiddo, and we had to leave the movie theater."

"Hmm." Zoe frowned as she examined an exorbitantly-priced package of organic pomegranate seeds.

"You know what I think it is?" Zach followed her when she moved on to a display of pears, slouching against the crate-wood while she chose two. "Yeah, we do stuff all the time, and I'm pretty sure I'm basically his in-town bestie. You'd think I'd be in a primo position to up the ante, right? But so far he's never been over to my place except to walk me home. And I haven't been inside their house once even though I've swung by to pick them up to go to the science museum. So that's got to be a real barrier, just getting him all alone in a really private place. If he's never done anything with a guy, he's not going to just -- in public! He's going to need to feel comfortable when things finally start up."

Zoe exhaled loudly and shifted to the vegetable section of the produce area.

"That's it. I've got to get him on home base." Zach picked up a bulbous orange pepper and started tossing it from hand to hand. "So should I invite him over, offer to make him dinner? That's a sure cue for romance. But like, he might assume I mean for him to bring Jeffy. And I can't _not_ tell him to bring Jeffy, because the kid's got to eat? He's such a pain in the ass when he doesn't, and also, he's growing like crazy so he needs nutrients." Zach threw the pepper into the air and caught it. "But I can't exactly make a move on his hot dad when a five-year-old is cramming fistfuls of spaghetti marinara into his mouth and asking 'When's dessert?'" He sighed and flung the pepper upwards a second time.

Zoe snatched the pepper out of the air and returned it to the pile with its brother peppers before she stalked over to another section.

"We're so close to something happening, you know? It's making me nuts!" Zach poked at a box of weird yellow root vegetables as he thought. "Oh, wait, how about I grab something of Chris's just as he's leaving, like his baseball cap or one of the water bottles he's always got? Then I text him, like, hey, no big deal, I'll just bring it by, and it's conveniently after Jeffy's bedtime?"

Zoe put a package of fresh figs into her basket and faced him, her expression stern. "Zach, you've been stealth dating this guy for weeks, and you haven't taken one single chance to get anything about your relationship with him out in the open. So instead of plotting to waylay him in some dark corner so you can finally jump him, maybe you should try to talk to him, find out if you actually have a shot first."

"It's just that I feel like I'm in this weird friendzone -- like, a _family_ friendzone," Zach said, trailing after her as she headed toward the bulk section. "God, it's like a million new levels of awkward. I can't just bring it up, especially not when we're always hanging out with his kid, you know?"

"I think if you weren't so scared of him turning you down flat, you'd have found a way to bring it up already," Zoe said mercilessly as she shoveled tri-color quinoa into a paper bag. 

Zach put his hand over his heart and opened his mouth in dismay, but Zoe just sashayed on toward the new age tea aisle.

* * *

If things with Chris had been moving at a snail's pace in the late summer, they slowed to a semi-standstill once the semester began. 

Zach had to scramble to find time to run lines with his classmates while still trying to keep pace with Chris and Jeffy's increasingly limited free blocks of time. Chris's job gave him a four-four teaching load, he had been asked to sit on a hiring committee, and his department head had dumped a bunch of advisees on him, so even weekends weren't something they could always count on. 

But at least Zach was pretty sure that Chris wasn't dating that toothy woman from the park. Or the attentive curator lady at the university museum from the time they had wandered into a photography exhibit because it was pouring outside. Or the athleisure-clad woman from the coffee shop downtown, who had slipped Chris her digits just before Jeffy had knocked over Zach's venti soy mocha (right onto the woman's napkin-scribbled numbers, blurring them into illegibility, so Jeffy for the win, seriously).

Because Zach would know, right, if there was a woman in Chris's life now? Even with their increasingly packed schedules he ended up seeing Chris and Jeffy semi-regularly, more often than he saw Zoe lately. Luckily for him, even when they couldn't seem to find time, he'd more often than not run into Chris and his kid anyway. On the weekends, he'd sometimes head into his favorite café to find Chris looking up and smiling from the stack of essays he was grading (while Jeffy attached himself to Zach's leg and chattered earnestly about Barbie's shot at becoming a long-haul trucker). Or on weekdays in the late afternoon, he'd amble over to the playground situated between his apartment building and Jeffy's new school, and find the two of them there, Chris ready to ask how Zach's latest audition had gone while Jeffy clamored to be pushed on the swings. 

Even if Chris himself wouldn't mention some woman who'd wormed her way into his life, surely Jeffy would have blurted out something by now. As much as Zach had vowed he wouldn't try to bait Jeffy into telling him things, Jeffy liked to volunteer all kinds of details. Of course, a lot of them involved tales of Jeffy's new favorite show (featuring a puppet who sang about the importance of hand-washing and thanking crossing-guards), or stories about Jeffy's new pals at school (who apparently got to bring in seriously yummy things for snack time while Jeffy was stuck with "yucko fruit"). But he babbled to Zach about other things, too, like what books Chris read to him before bed (and if that wasn't ridiculously heart-melting, picturing Chris cradling Jeffy's wriggly pajama-clad self in his arms while he read aloud in that gorgeous voice of his, Zach didn't know what was). No, Zach was sure there was definitely no woman in the picture. 

So it was more than a little alarming when Zach stepped out onto the street after an exhausting afternoon rehearsal and saw a pretty petite woman gripping Jeffy's hand and striding right towards him.

Her blonde hair was styled in a sharp bob, and though Jeffy had on his standard decaled t-shirt and jeans, she looked ready for a high-powered meeting in her well-cut grey sheath dress and killer high heels.

Zach's stomach plummeted. This was it. Somewhere, somehow, Chris had found the perfect woman. So much for being delicate and taking it slow. All of that hanging out and espresso buying and kid-movie suffering had been for absolutely nothing. 

But then Zach saw Jeffy skipping along and his heart seized. If this woman was Chris's new girlfriend, it wasn't just Chris who wouldn't need Zach anymore. The stupid thought that Jeffy would never again carefully put one of his tiny trucks into Zach's hand for safekeeping or beg for Zach to carry him on his shoulders or visibly vibrate with excitement when he saw Zach coming his way...

Zach blinked hard and pasted a smile on his face as the lady and Jeffy came closer. "Hey, buddy," he called out.

"Zach!" Jeffy shouted as soon as he recognized Zach. He beamed, and jumped up and down like a lunatic. "There's my Zach!" He immediately tried to dart away so he could run up to Zach, but the woman held him back.

"Jeffery, mind me, please! This is a very busy street, and I won't have you running at strangers just because they greet you on the pavement."

Jeffy looked up at the woman (who had the poshest English accent Zach had ever heard, seriously, and he'd watched four entire episodes of _Downton Abbey_ ), and his happy little face crumpled. But then his miserable expression turned thunderous.

"Oh, crap," Zach said under his breath. Jeffy looked to be about two minutes from losing it big time. 

"That's Zach," Jeffy said, pointing Zach's way even as he scowled up at the woman. "Daddy lets me run up to him all the time, because he's a friend."

The woman gave him a tight smile. "Well, Zach and I have never been introduced, so you'll have to pardon me if I don't let you dash up to someone I don't know." 

"Hey, it's no big deal, okay?" Zach said, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "Jeffy, we can catch up another time." He felt sort of bad that he might have set Jeffy off just by running into him with Chris's aloof new lady friend (even if Tantrum O'clock may have been about to strike anyway). 

The woman ignored Zach entirely; kind of a rude thing to do, considering Zach was trying to help calm the kid down. "Come along," she told Jeffy.

But when the woman tried to usher him away, Jeffy planted his feet on the sidewalk and yanked backward. "I won't! Mommy, you're a meanie!"

"Oh, honestly, Jeffery," she sighed. "Can't you behave for thirty minutes altogether?"

Zach very nearly repeated _Mommy?_ in an incredulous voice. Luckily he got a hold of himself in time. "Uh. You must be Alice," he ventured. "Hi?"

Alice gave him an imperious look. "Indeed I am. And you are?"

"He's Zach," Jeffy said, his voice rising. "He's a friend! You aren't listening, Mommy!"

" _Mummy_ , darling; remember to say it the proper way," she told her son. "And yes, well, I'm only trying to sort out who Zach is, exactly." Cool blue eyes scanned Zach quickly before Alice lifted a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "He looks a bit young and a bit..." She let the sentence drift off before she favored Zach with a supremely unimpressed look. "To be a 'friend,' I would say." 

"Wow, okay. Normally I'd be totally happy to do intros," Zach cut in. "And also to remind you, hello, I'm standing right here, so maybe just say stuff to me directly. But how about we skip all that, and you get Jeffy somewhere to chill out, because, not that you've noticed, he seems kind of worked up."

"I am not worked up!" Jeffy screeched, stamping his little sneakered foot (though the tiny light didn't go off, Zach noticed; he'd have to give Chris a heads up that Jeffy would demand new "flashies" soon).

"He's fine, thank you very much," Alice told Zach in a clipped tone, though at this point he could see her casting worried looks at Jeffy. "Not that it's any of your business, but I am perfectly capable of managing my own child."

"Oh yeah?" Zach shot back. "Because it sure doesn't look like it. Plus, what are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be in England?"

Jeffy sniffed loudly as he looked back and forth between Zach and his mother, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

Alice went very still before she smiled tightly. "If you are truly a 'friend', then Christopher would have told you I'm in town. And if you weren't aware I'm here to spend time with my family, well. Perhaps you aren't as good a 'friend' as you imagine, hmm?"

With that parting shot, she gathered a now tearful and starting to sob Jeffy in her arms and stalked away.

"Well, fuck," Zach said, scrubbing his hand over his face.


	4. Chapter 4

"So obviously I was as rude as fuck yesterday when I ran into Alice and Jeffy, not that she wasn't being a mega bitch. Just, what am I supposed to do now?" Zach grabbed for the extra pillow on his bed and hugged it close. "In two days it's Saturday, and that's my standing day to hang out with Chris and Jeffy. But I have no idea if I should even go to the park?" He stared at the ceiling and thought for a second. "Wait, fuck, what if she comes along too? She's probably still in town, right? So am I going to have to make awkward small talk while she lights into me genteelly? Or, oh my god, what if Chris doesn't show at all?" 

As soon as he said it he could picture it: sitting on a bench clutching a sad little cardboard tray holding three hot drinks, watching the park gates and seeing only stranger after stranger walk through. His voice hitched as he squeezed his phone hard. "You know what, he'll probably forget all about our thing because he's already planning to take Alice and Jeffy somewhere special. Then they'll look into each other's eyes, and realize they never should have separated, and --" He stopped and made himself exhale slowly. "So what should I do? Text him and ask if we're on? Or no, do you think I should leave it in his court? Maybe give him space, and let him get in touch with me? I mean, if it turns out he doesn't mind that I told his beautiful ex that she's a bad parent right before I essentially made his kid cry?"

On the other end of the line, Tyler cleared his throat. "Um. Yikes. Can I just say, I completely get why Zoe doesn't want to hear any more about this?"

"What?" Indignation made Zach sit up quickly. "Who said she doesn't?"

"Because you're been pretty much avoiding me for months, and now you call me out of the blue only to talk nonstop about perfect Chris and his perfect kid and Alice the evil ex?"

Zach huffed. "That's not. I didn't." He flopped down onto his back. "Anyway. It's only been a day since I tried Zoe." Granted, he had sent her ten texts in quick succession after he'd seen Alice and he still hadn't heard from her, but. Yeah. She wasn't ignoring him. Probably.

"Hello, so not the point? It's kind of a dick move to call me about this, Zach."

Zach paused and reviewed the situation. "Okay. I get that it might not have been super cool of me to blow you off and call only to unload all this on you--"

"No, you know what, it's okay," Tyler cut him off. "This is actually good for me. You sound kind of, I don't know, pathetic? It's helping me get over you faster."

"Great," Zach muttered. He glanced at his phone again: no alerts from Chris confirming their plans or asking if Zach wanted to hang out spur of the moment. No sign at all that Chris hadn't given up on him entirely. 

There was a long silence.

"So I guess it is a little weird that he didn't tell you she was visiting," Tyler finally said.

"Okay, right?" Zach exclaimed, refocusing. "That's what I mean! If it's all above board, why wouldn't he have mentioned it?"

"Ugh, can you shut up for a second? I was _going_ to say, it's little weird, but that doesn't mean they're getting back together."

"Do you really think so?" Zach asked. 

"Well, I don't know for sure, because I don't have psychic powers that tell me what a probably straight and really old guy is thinking," Tyler snapped.

"He's not old," Zach said automatically. 

Tyler snorted. "Whatever. You should just talk to him. You know, kind of like how I tried to do with you, except you ghosted me because you're an asshole."

Zach frowned. "Okay, okay. Sorry I was an asshole before. And, um, now. I should have been straight with you."

"Apology accepted," Tyler said in a voice so haughty he could give Alice a run for her money. "You do seem, like, less shallow now, though? So even if that guy ends up telling you he only fucks women, maybe this is all good for you or something." 

"Yay, heartbreak is awesome," Zach grumbled.

* * *

The next day Zach didn't have classes or any meetings scheduled. But he hesitated to head out to his regular coffee place or even just wander around outside. All he could imagine was Chris seeing him and looking conflicted, or, somehow just as bad, Jeffy spotting him and looking worried or scared because Zach had acted like a dick. 

So he told himself he needed a day to himself anyway and hung around his place, memorized a few monologues, and threw together a soup that tasted so awful he tossed the entire thing out.

But when dusk had come and gone and he found himself checking and re-checking his phone to make sure it wasn't screwed up (and making him miss messages from one particular person maybe, because that was possibly a thing), Zach finally pushed himself out the door to get some fresh air.

It was probably only because the route was familiar that he ended up skulking around the edges of the park where he usually met up with Chris. 

There were a few people walking dogs in the darkness, and a smattering of couples strolling along, taking advantage of one of the last warm evenings they'd probably have. Occasionally teenagers darted past, cutting through the paths on their way somewhere else. 

There were no little kids to be seen, but at this hour, Zach figured they were probably all home in bed. The playground, when Zach got close enough to see it, stood abandoned. The dark leather seats of the swings and their linked chains were barely visible in the low light of the streetlamps. 

He stood for a moment, gripping the iron bars of the fence, picturing a man with sandy colored hair and a salt-and-pepper beard smiling and kneeling down to embrace a small boy.

Before he knew it, he turned sharply away and began to pace down a side street that would lead him to Chris's neighborhood.

Less than ten minutes later he stood across the street from Chris's house, trying not to feel like too much of a creeper. The second floor seemed totally dark, but the porch light was on, and a lone light shone on the first floor. 

He took a deep breath and crossed the street. 

On the small porch, he tried to peer through the darkened window, but he couldn't spot any signs of life. Obviously he shouldn't ring the doorbell; no doubt he'd wake Jeffy up. He could always text Chris to ask if he was up for a visitor (and possibly pretend he was a few minutes away instead of waiting right outside). But Chris wasn't one of those guys who checked his phone all the time like a normal person; if Zach waited for Chris to see his message, he could be lurking on the tiny porch until the early morning hours. 

Zach raised his hand and knocked softly.

Less than a minute later, the door creaked open. "Zach?" Chris asked. He tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn and ended up hiding it behind his hand. 

"Hey," Zach said softly. "Did I wake you up?" He bit his lip and gestured to the blue and white striped pajama pants Chris wore along with a stretched out white t-shirt. Leave it to Chris to look stupidly cuddly and sexy all at once. 

"What? Oh, no, I'm just --" Chris jerked a thumb over his shoulder toward the room with the light. "I was reading." He adjusted his glasses with a single finger and leaned against the door frame. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Um." Zach rocked back and forth on his heels. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, of course. Sorry, here..." Chris padded back in his bare feet to let Zach inside. 

"Want to sit down?" he asked once he'd closed the front door and led the way to the living room. 

"Sure. Sorry for barging in like this, though." Zach swallowed; it felt like his heart was in his throat as he joined Chris on the low couch. 

"Not at all. Just give me a second to reorient myself; I'm not always great at conversation when I've had my nose buried in a book." He grinned sheepishly and Zach smiled back, helpless. 

"Listen, I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry," Zach told him quickly. 

Chris blinked a few times. "What for?"

Zach opened his mouth but nothing came out. Maybe Alice hadn't talked to Chris about what had happened. He wasn't sure what he should hope for. Which would be worse, defending himself against her version of events, or trying to explain the entire thing to Chris?

"Okay," he tried. "So. You might not have heard about this yet. But two days ago I ran into your, um, wife --"

"Ex-wife," Chris corrected him quietly. 

"Yeah." Zach frowned and rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, I was kind of an asshole --"

"Actually, she told me to apologize to you," Chris interrupted. "She said she was kind of curt."

Zach's eyebrows rose so quickly that his head throbbed. He wasn't sure what was most startling, that Alice wanted to apologize, or that the words 'kind of' might have crossed Alice's lips. "Wait. What?"

"Well." Chris scratched at his temple absently. "Just to give you a little context, her plane was delayed, and she was exhausted when she turned up. I almost suggested she head to her hotel to take a nap, particularly because Jeffy could have used some quiet time. He was so keyed up about her visit he'd barely gotten any sleep the night before. But of course she wanted to spend as much time as possible with Jeffy and he was just beside himself when she walked in the door, so." Chris shrugged. "She misses him pretty badly, I get it, but the timing wasn't the best for either of them."

"That explains a lot. Jetlag turns everyone into a mess. And she wasn't really that bad," Zach said diplomatically. "She just seemed, you know, to take a total and instant dislike to me."

"If it helps any, she said she regretted missing the chance to meet you in friendlier circumstances. I told her that we've been hanging out pretty often, and she would have liked to know someone important to Jeffy."

"That's pretty decent of her. And..." Zach paused. "It wasn't only her. I'd just come out of a long rehearsal, my mind was on other things, and I was surprised to stumble into her. So I probably -- no, I definitely came on way too strong when Jeffy started having a meltdown and I told her how to handle him. I can see how that wouldn't be the coolest thing to hear from a stranger, especially if it was her first time seeing her son in a while." 

"Bad timing all around, sounds like," Chris said with a sympathetic smile. 

"Plus, I kind of demanded to know what the hell she was even doing in the country, so..." Zach tensed himself for Chris's reaction to that one, jumping in surprise when Chris snickered.

"I shouldn't laugh." Chris rubbed his eyes. "You're pretty lucky she didn't bite your head right off." He tried not to smile and ended up giggling. "It's been a long few days, and I'm a little on edge." 

"Believe me, I felt like the absolute worst person on the face of the planet as soon as I said it." 

"Anyone ever tell you you're maybe a tad dramatic?" Chris asked.

"Oh, god. Nobody. Ever," Zach answered with his hand over his heart. "How could you even say such a thing?"  
They grinned at each other before Chris glanced down. 

"You know, it really was a last minute visit," Chris said, his gaze flickering to Zach's face and away again. "I only found out she was coming at all on Tuesday morning. I would have mentioned it to you otherwise."

"Oh, yeah. Of course. Not that you're obliged to mention that kind of stuff to me," Zach said hastily. 

Chris looked up, watching him intently, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips. "Right," he said finally.

Zach shifted where he sat, crossing and then uncrossing his leg. "She went back already though? Seems kind of quick for a transcontinental visit."

"She found out last week that she got an appointment at the University of London. Part of the reason she came was to visit while she could, before the autumn term started." Chris took a deep breath. "And part of the reason she visited was so she could try to convince me to move there."

"What?" Zach asked dully. He put a hand on the arm of the couch to steady himself. "Are you...getting back together? Are you leaving?"

"What?" Chris's brow furrowed. "No, not at all. It's only because of Jeffy. It's hard on her, being apart from him. But she's only going to be a fixed-term lecturer. There's no point in uprooting him when we're just getting settled here, especially if she's going to be job searching in another year." 

"Sure," Zach said. Relief swept through him so rapidly that he felt lightheaded. "That's awesome, though. I just mean, I'm glad you're not going anywhere."

Chris frowned at the floor as he slid his hands down his thighs and up again. "Yeah. Though all of this -- Alice visiting, you dropping by tonight -- makes me realize I should probably talk to you about some things." He cast another sidelong glance at Zach. 

Zach nodded slowly. "Okay." His fingers tightened on the couch fabric so quickly he almost expected to hear threads rip. 

"I'm really terrible at things like this," Chris added. 

"No, you're not," Zach defended him automatically. His pulse quickened until it felt like it was pounding in his ears. "I mean, at what?"

Chris glanced at the doorway and pressed his lips together. His cheeks flushed red.

"Chris?" 

His eyes shifted back to watch Zach earnestly. "We're friends, right, Zach?"

"Definitely," Zach replied. He tried to smile but he couldn't seem to get the expression right, maybe because his throat was closing up. "Friends, for sure."

"It means a lot to me," Chris said. "Jeffy adores you, and you've been incredible, so welcoming and available. You're a huge part of why we feel at home here."

"Oh. Wow. That's really nice of you to say." Zach gave a sharp nod. 

"So I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your friendship," Chris said formally. 

"Yeah. Yeah, same here." Zach blew out a breath and finally managed to muster a look that wasn't a grimace. "Hey, I'm really glad I came by tonight, so we could get all this settled." He stood up and smoothed down his hoodie.

Chris got to his feet as well. "Zach, listen --"

Before he could say anything more, Zach talked over him. "I should get out of your hair. Let you get back to reading. Or head to sleep, or whatever." He pressed his palms together and rubbed them briskly. "Better head out now, before it gets super chilly."

He had crossed the room when Chris said, "Could you hang on just a minute, Zach? There's something else I need to say."

When Zach turned back, Chris looked so uncomfortable that for a moment Zach thought he might actually get sick. Great. This was what it had come to -- not only the 'we're such great pals' speech, cutting any other possibilities off at the pass, but Chris compelled to tackle Zach's probably hella obvious mega crush on him so he could tell him straight up there was no chance in hell they'd get together. Chris obviously hadn't wanted to do it; he wouldn't seem so strained otherwise. But Zach had gone and pushed the fucking envelope, and now here they were.

The urge to run surged, but Zach kept his feet planted. "Yeah?"

"It's just that I can't keep on like this anymore," Chris said in a rush. If he'd looked uncomfortable before, his expression verged on terrified now. No doubt he was bracing himself for Zach to handle this in the worst way possible.

"I get it," Zach said shortly. "I do, really. It's weird for you, I understand. I mean, obviously you're not -- and even if you were, it probably wouldn't be me, right? Maybe I should have said something a long time ago, instead of monopolizing your time. But I'm kind of stupid and stubborn and selfish, and I guess I kept hoping --" He shoved his hands into his jean pockets. "It doesn't matter. I can see how I made it weird by coming over tonight. Just -- it's okay. You don't have to worry about it." He shrugged and began to back toward the door. "So maybe I'll see you around or something? And maybe, I don't know, tell Jeffy..." He trailed off, unsure what exactly to say.

"Zach," Chris said urgently. "Can you stop talking for one second and just listen?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Zach shot back. "Get it all off your chest."

"Jesus." Chris ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I'm trying to tell you I don't think I can just be friends with you anymore, because I'm falling in love with you. And maybe that ruins things. I don't know what you want out of this. But I had to say something because it was eating me up inside."

"Holy shit," Zach whispered. He could feel the blood draining to his feet; he swayed where he stood. "Oh my god. Seriously?"

Chris breathed in and out noisily. "Can you. Um. I don't want to push, but I can't tell if that's a bad response, or --"

Before he could finish, Zach stumbled across the room and kissed him. It was sloppy and awkward and Zach might have mashed their noses together before they could work the angle out. But then Chris wrapped his arms around Zach's shoulders and Zach tilted his head and there it was, soft and shy and oh so right. 

Chris made a small sound and wove his fingers into Zach's hair, tugging lightly as they kept kissing. "Zach," he murmured against his lips in that low gorgeous voice of his, and that was it for soft and shy. 

By the time Zach slid one hand down to the small of Chris's back and cupped Chris's jaw with the other, they were breathing hard and staggering a little, both of them pushing to get closer. 

"That's a positive response, in case you weren't sure," Zach gasped out when he drew back. He pulled Chris in so they were cheek to cheek and inhaled the scent of him. 

"I kind of figured." Chris dropped down his head to rest his forehead against Zach's shoulder before he let out a shaky laugh. "Also, I didn't mean to, um, lead with that. I know it's a big thing to say, and --"

"I'm totally in love with you too," Zach cut him off. 

"Thank fuck for that," Chris said and they kissed again. "We still need to talk a little, though."

"Well, it's not technically required," Zach tried. "But yes, okay," he continued when Chris looked torn. "You know, you could have said something way earlier. I've been into you for a long time."

"Well, you didn't say anything either," Chris pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm --" Zach halted. What would he have said? Some play to get Chris into bed? Not anything like the kinds of things they were saying tonight, that was for certain. "I almost did, a bunch of times. But maybe it's better this way. I don't think I had it all figured out."

"Yeah? You always seem like you have everything figured out." Chris smiled, his eyes crinkling, and Zach couldn't resist pressing another kiss to his mouth. 

"You know, there's this thing called acting," Zach said dryly when he pulled back. "Maybe with other guys I knew where I stood," he went on. "But you kind of knocked me for a loop. What I wanted when I met you -- let's just say there's a lot more that I want now."

"I think maybe I started falling for you the first time I saw you," Chris confessed.

"Really?" 

"Yeah. I know it's...probably weird. I can rush into things, and even if I know what my feelings are, I don't think it's always been for the best. My college girlfriend ended up across the country after we graduated. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't because of her job offer, but because she couldn't figure out how else to get that space. And Alice, I pressed her for things before it might have been right. The marriage, having Jeffy."

Zach opened his mouth to ask questions but quickly shut it again; Chris clearly wasn't finished. 

"After the divorce, I couldn't even think about being with anyone for a while. Probably for the best; it gave me a break to figure out what I wanted. But when we moved I made this vow to myself: whoever I did find eventually, I'd make sure to take things slow." He smiled wryly. "Sort of failed that one, didn't I?" 

Zach rubbed his chin and pretended to think. "Well, we did do this very weird non-dating kind of courtship thing for a couple of months. So I think you can go ahead and tick that box off anyway." 

Chris ducked his head. "Yeah. I tried not to think about it too hard when I wasn't sure what was happening. But it definitely felt like dating sometimes. When I told my mom about hanging out with you, she even asked if we were a couple."

"Oh my god, you talked to your mom about me?" Zach couldn't help but grin. "That's so awesome. I can't believe I'm mom-material -- you really do dig me, don't you?" He rewound what he had just said and laughed. "You don't know, though; just a couple of months ago that is exactly the kind of thing that would have sent me screeching into the night."

"Well, there's another reason I didn't say anything for a while," Chris admitted. He paused as his brow furrowed. "I mean, a reason in addition to the age difference, because obviously we're going to have to tackle that." 

"But that's not even a thing we need to worry about," Zach said hastily. "I mean, what is age, really? A lot of people would say I'm an old soul."

Chris shot him a skeptical look. "Zach, I'm more than ten years older than you. It's going to come up a bunch of times if we want to try something together."

Okay, so maybe one reassurance from Zach wouldn't automatically put that issue to bed. Zach scrambled to divert and added (in as mature a voice as he could manage), "What was the main reason you didn't speak up, though?"

"Ah." Chris took a deep breath. "Just, the little I knew about you in terms of relationships, uh. It didn't seem like they were your thing."

"Fucking Tyler," Zach said, raising his gaze to the ceiling. "I knew I screwed up as soon as those words left my mouth. Though now I have to send him a cookie bouquet or something. And probably get Zoe a subscription to Ipsy while I'm at it -- no, don't mind me; I'll tell you about it another time," he assured Chris when Chris looked bewildered. "Let's get back to me being a man-whore."

"No, I swear I didn't think of it like that," Chris protested. "It's just all I've been used to are these serious relationships, and from what you said, you weren't necessarily up for anything long haul. And while that had its own appeal at first --" His eyes trailed down Zach's body before he stopped abruptly and began to blush.

"Oh my god, I didn't know how close I was to luring you to the dark side with my hot bod," Zach crowed. "Okay, sorry, sorry, go on," he urged when Chris, now beet-red, made a face at him.

"Look, while I've known I liked both men and women since I was young, I've never -- anything, with a guy before. I got into these long relationships with women quickly, and there never was space to explore it. After the divorce, I thought it could be the time to try. But as soon as I let myself look around and consider it, I froze up. What if it was just too late? I already had my son, and my teaching and research; how was I supposed to figure out that side of myself?" 

"Is it ever really too late for that stuff, though?" Zach asked.

"It can seem like it is," Chris said quietly. "When I met you, I thought there could be a chance -- but what if you had already ruled me out, assuming I was straight? Or were totally against dating a guy with no experience?" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "On top of that, it's been ages since I've tried to flirt or pick up on whether anyone was into me, not that I was ever great at those things in the first place. What if I was reading you all wrong?"

"You definitely weren't, though," Zach said. "And as far as exploring and all that goes, even if the newness scares you a little, you're not in it alone. So you haven't been with guys -- I've never done a relationship thing in my life." Zach searched Chris's face for a moment before he said, "I'm really hoping you'll take a chance on me anyway."

"Same here," Chris said, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the kudos and comments so far! ~~I'll share the final chapter (in which the story at last earns its explicit rating) next week!~~
> 
> ETA: I will be updating this fic during the week of November 14th! I really appreciate your patience and understanding!


	5. Chapter 5

Zach and Chris made it up the stairs to Chris's bedroom in a weirdly quiet rush.

Before they started climbing they had lurched together again, grabbing at each other clumsily through a series of frantic kisses. Zach would have been fine making do on the couch, because proximity had serious advantages now that he was finally getting to put his hands all over Chris. He'd even maneuvered them up against the wall so he could lean against it for support while he cupped Chris's amazing ass and nipped at his lower lip. But Chris clearly voted for a change of location when he backed up and put his finger to his mouth before he began dragging Zach upstairs.

"I don't want to wake Jeffy," Chris explained under his breath as he maneuvered Zach down the hall, leading him by the hand. 

"I'll be super quiet," Zach promised. He lifted their hands to his mouth to bite the heel of Chris's palm. Chris quickly stifled a groan and renewed his efforts to tug Zach noiselessly toward his bedroom. 

Once inside, Zach didn't have much time to take stock of his surroundings before Chris pushed him down on the bed and joined him quickly, making the mattress bounce.

"Hey, I'm totally with you; let's not waste any time," Zach said agreeably as he yanked his hoodie and t-shirt off. 

"Sorry, sorry, I know this is rushed, and I know I should probably wait, and that there are a thousand things we still need to talk about," Chris said, his words slightly muffled as he pulled his own t-shirt upward. When his head emerged, his sandy hair stood up every which way in static-y tufts. "I just, I can't believe you're here, and I can't believe we're really doing this, and I don't want to overthink it or --"

"If you wanted to wait, I would, though. That alone should show how crazy I am about you," Zach told him. He tried to look grave and totally undistracted by Chris's toned bare chest. But when Chris scooted closer and started in on the button fly to Zach's jeans, his breath hitched. "Then again, is waiting always the best idea?" 

Soon only Chris's blue and white striped pajama pants and Zach's heather grey briefs kept them from being skin to skin. 

"Whatever you want," Zach assured Chris when Chris stopped, his hand hovering over Zach's chest. "You set the pace."

Blue eyes shining with a mix of wariness and excitement flickered up to meet his gaze. 

"I really mean it. We don't have to do anything you don't -- oh, fuck," Zach added as Chris trailed his fingertips over the fabric covering Zach's stiff cock and squeezed. 

"Wow," Chris said under his breath. He stroked lightly a few times, licking his lips as he focused. Then he started a rhythm, working his warm hand down and up the bulge, tracing the head intently with his thumb before slipping his hand down to cup Zach's balls. "Wow."

"This is absolutely fantastic for my ego," Zach said in a strained voice. He let his head fall back on the mattress and tried to pull Chris to stretch out atop him. "C'mere." 

"In a minute," Chris told him. "I've never gotten to --" Impulsively, he dipped his head and pressed his lips to Zach's cock. He drew back to gaze again before he rubbed his cheek against the hardness, back and forth, and inhaled deeply.

"Wow," Zach echoed, already dazed. He looked down at Chris's shaggy hair spilling over his eyes and couldn't keep from tilting his hips up. Not that he was seriously making that particular suggestion so quick out of the gate. 

Luckily Chris didn't try to up the ante too quickly; the last thing Zach wanted was Chris to get overwhelmed and decide he was done with dick forever. Instead, Chris nuzzled Zach's belly, kissing down the fuzz of hair from Zach's navel to the band of his briefs. "Mmm. This is --" His voice trailed off as he stroked his big hands down Zach's thighs. 

"You doing okay?" Zach asked, trying not to squirm too obviously or do anything that would take Chris out of the moment. Then again, Chris seemed entirely in the zone, not even noticing that Zach was the one teetering off balance.

Chris only nodded, keeping his eyes on Zach's straining prick. He ducked his head down to mouth at Zach again through the fabric, gentle presses of his lips that grew more daring and more demanding as he kept at it. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, like he was committing the scent to memory. 

"As long as you're cool...uh...yeah," Zach bit out. He was so used to guys who knew exactly what they were doing, who would drop to their knees in a flash or deep throat him quickly. But this, Chris's curious, reverent touches, left Zach way more undone than he'd expected and far too close to the edge already. 

Finally Zach asked, "Not that I want you to stop doing anything to me ever, but can you get up here now, before I come in my underwear?"

When Chris looked up at him, his hazy eyes a deeper shade of blue than Zach had ever seen before, he stared at him blankly for a second. Then he snickered.

"I think I spoke too soon about that ego thing," Zach told him sourly.

"Come on, that was funny," Chris objected as he crawled up him. "That's what I like about you, your sense of humor." He straddled Zach and flashed him a smug smile. 

"That all you like about me?" Zach asked, his voice low. "Because I think you like this too." He held Chris's slim hips as he rolled his own up, dragging their cocks together. "And I think you like that you can get me so close so fast, don't you?"

"Fuck," Chris murmured. His skin was already rosy, but now he flushed deeply as he looked down at the two of them pressing together, straining the fabric of Zach's underwear and Chris's pajamas.

When Zach urged him close again, Chris moved up and stretched out next to him, kissing the underside of Zach's jaw. 

Zach shimmied down a little so their lips could meet, and as they kissed, rolled them on the mattress so that he was on top.

"Oh," Chris said faintly. He looked up, his eyes wide, and his fingers tightened at Zach's biceps.

"Or I can --" Zach offered, changing his weight so he could pull away.

"Stay right where you are," Chris said firmly, wrapping his arms around Zach's back. 

"Why, so you can try and make me lose control again?" Zach teased. He started them on a steady pace, bracing himself on his forearms and adjusting to make sure they were lined up just right as he moved back and forth. 

"Ah. Yeah. Fuck. Okay, I'm starting to feel like I'm in high school --" Chris began.

"Later on we can play me being your stern teacher," Zach suggested, not breaking his rhythm. "I've been told I give A+ spankings."

Chris laughed out loud. "Oh my god. Maybe some other time. I meant I feel like a teenager with clothes still on." He smiled up at Zach shyly. "So. Can we...?"

Zach had to tense up his shoulders briefly to regain a little control before he gave a brisk nod and began to tug off those striped pajama pants.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous," Zach muttered as soon as he saw Chris's cock -- thick and beautiful and flushed pink, a bead of moisture at the tip. He immediately wrapped his fingers around it and groaned at the weight of it in his hand. 

"I want to see you too," Chris told him, biting his lip.

Luckily Zach was pretty well practiced with doing the speedy underwear-yank followed by a quick kick-off to land his briefs on the floor. But instead of diving back into the action like he usually did, he paused to take in Chris's expression.

Chris's lips were parted and his eyes had widened. He looked back at Zach's face only briefly before he returned to staring intently at Zach's dick. It might have freaked Zach out a little had Chris not looked so absorbed, like seeing Zach's hard on up close and personal was blowing his mind a little.

"And just like that, ego restored," Zach said in a hoarse voice. "You know, you can look all you want later. But now --"

"Yeah, okay," Chris said at once, grinning almost exactly like he had that very first time Zach had seen him smile, like sunshine lighting up a bright blue sky. "Get up here."

They started kissing as soon as Zach blanketed Chris again, and after that they couldn't seem to stop, even if it made Zach's hips stutter as he repeatedly readjusted the hot press of their cocks together and made Chris flail and whack Zach on the back of his head by mistake while he moaned around Zach's tongue. 

Chris readily spread his legs wider so Zach could settle more easily between them. As their breathing quickened, he began to dig the tips of his fingers into Zach's shoulder blades, hanging on for all that he was worth.

When Zach pulled away slightly, drawing his left arm back, Chris objected, "Hey," already lifting his head to bring their mouths together again.

"I want to see you," Zach managed to explain as he gathered them both in his hand. 

Chris nodded, moving fitfully, and just for a second Zach wanted to bury his face against Chris's neck, touch him point for point as much as he was able while they rode it out. 

But the slim space between them was completely worth it when Zach watched the flush from Chris's face spread out across his chest, when Chris cried out the most enticing sound Zach had ever heard and bit his lip, and when Chris bucked up helplessly one last time, his eyes briefly screwed shut, and shook in Zach's arms. 

The low satisfied noise he made with the last shudder sent Zach off a second later. He went stiff through the tremors while Chris ran his hands over his back and murmured nonsense into his ear.

They lay sprawled together for a few breathless minutes, both too far gone to untangle themselves right away. 

"Want to grab a shower?" Chris murmured.

"Mph," Zach grumbled, nosing against Chris's neck and kissing him. "Stay here."

"Like this?" Chris asked, amused.

"Never moving," Zach told him, insinuating an arm under Chris to hold him still. 

"So you're definitely staying over then," Chris said as he scratched along Zach's back lazily. "Not going to, I don't know...take off as soon as you push yourself off the mattress?"

"Haha. You lit professors and your stupid capacity to remember quotes verbatim," Zach huffed. "Nope. Just try and kick me out."

"I kind of doubt I'd try to do that, so." Chris laughed low.

Zach's eyelids grew heavy, brushing against Chris's skin. His nose was smooshed against Chris's beard now, and it was a teensy bit scratchy. But screw it; he could deal for a while longer so he could stay as close as possible. 

When Chris spoke again after several more minutes, his voice was thick and drowsy. "Keep in mind, though..."

"Hmmm?" Zach asked. Though he kept his eyes closed, he finally repositioned his head and mouthed lazily at Chris's collarbone.

Chris yawned. "Just, come morning, you might wish you'd taken a shower and thrown something on. You know, when a five year old bounces in here at the crack of dawn."

Zach froze for a moment, his eyes wide, immediately stunned into a waking state. Then he muffled his laughter against Chris's neck. "Oh my god, okay. Let's do this right now so we don't traumatize Jeffy or me." 

With some effort, he groped his way into a standing position and extended a hand.

Chris took it with a sleepy smile before he rose and led the way to the shower.

* * *

The next day Zach woke to a set of blue eyes blinking at him. "Hey," he said in a low voice, letting his eyes drift closed.

A sharp little finger poked him in his side. 

"Ow," he mumbled, batting it away.

Two seconds later, his eyes snapped open. 

"Holy fu--" he burst out, cutting himself off at the last minute as he realized Jeffy was staring at him with wide eyes. "Um. Morning?"

After he and Chris had fumbled their way through a shower the night before, Zach had shrugged on the t-shirt and pajama bottoms Chris had shoved at him. When they hit the bed, Zach had immediately slumped onto his back. He had sunk into sleep as Chris face-planted against his chest and made stupidly adorable snuffling sounds.

Now, hazy sunshine filtered into the bedroom. There was no gorgeous guy dozing on Zach's chest, Chris's side of the bed had the covers already pulled up neatly, and a five year old wearing Spider-Man pajamas and holding a Headless Barbie stood next to the bed, watching Zach with keen interest. 

Zach realized with some alarm that though he and Chris had definitely made themselves G-rated before going dead to the world, they hadn't exactly worked out what they were supposed to tell Jeffy the next morning. 

He clutched the covers to his chest and tried to rack his brain as quickly as possible for whatever he ought to say -- which, honestly, pre-coffee, was just a guarantee of his mind filling with useless static. Where the hell was Chris? Wasn't this his job or something?

"Zach," Jeffy whispered urgently.

Zach sighed and dropped the bedclothes so he could raise himself up halfway on his elbows. "Yeah, buddy?"

"You slept over." Jeffy's expression was very solemn. "You're in daddy's bed."

"Yeah." He combed his fingers through his hair and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. "About that --"

"Guess what that means?" Jeffy asked in a hushed voice.

"Well." Zach cleared his throat. "Sometimes, when adults are really, really good friends --"

"PANCAKES," Jeffy interrupted him with a blood-curdling shriek. "Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes," he yelled as he started to do a frantic jog in place, Barbie held tightly in his little white-knuckled fist. 

"Dear god," Zach breathed out, a hand over his heart.

"Hey," Chris said from the doorway. He wore faded jeans and a nubby blue sweater that Zach immediately wanted to bury his face in. His hair flopped forward onto his forehead while he leaned against the jamb, and he grinned alluringly, like a hot young dad model selling casually elegant preppie garb. 

_Marry me_ , Zach wanted to blurt out. Luckily though his typical morning dopiness took over and instead he asked, "Please say that's for me?" He pointed plaintively at the coffee mug in Chris's hands. 

"Why don't we let Zach wake up a little?" Chris suggested to Jeffy as he crossed the room to hand Zach the mug. "I'll tell you what," he bargained when Jeffy frowned. "You can watch one episode of your show."

Jeffy let Barbie fall to the ground with a _thunk_ and clasped his hands together. "One whole episode?"

"Yes. And then pancakes," Chris told him, laughing when Jeffy jumped up and down in place.

"Pancakes!" Jeffy didn't waste any more time, flinging himself out of the room and hurtling down the stairs.

"Christ, I thought I was going to have to improvise some kind of birds and bees talk," Zach mumbled once he'd downed nearly half the coffee. 

"Nah." Chris joined him on the bed. "He's a sharp little guy, but he's just not complicated enough to ask those kinds of questions yet. Honestly, when I started to explain you were here, the very next word out of his mouth was --"

"Pancakes," Zach finished. "I mean, fair enough. Pancakes are pretty awesome."

Chris gave him a half-smile. "I know you just woke up," Chris murmured, close enough to Zach that Zach could feel the heat from his body though they weren't touching. "Just thought I'd check and make sure you're doing okay."

"Are you kidding? I'm way better than okay." Zach set down the coffee mug and pulled Chris in for a kiss (coffee breath be damned). "Meanwhile, you are amazing for bringing me coffee, and unfairly gorgeous in sunlight, and if there weren't pancakes about to happen and a five year old who would undoubtedly freak out if he didn't get fed, I'd be scheming how to get you back into bed right now."

Chris reached up to smooth back Zach's unruly morning hair, looking thoughtful. "You know, I don't want to corral you into staying. I didn't exactly ask last night if you were free for breakfast, so I get it if you have plans and can't stick around."

Zach kept his expression even as he watched Chris carefully. "Do you want me to take off?"

Chris shook his head. "I'd be really happy if you stayed. Just, we both said some pretty serious things last night. I meant every word. But if you want some time, headspace to adjust, I completely understand. This is...very new, and I want to make sure I give you what you need."

Zach almost laughed. This was way more mature than any morning-after talk he'd had before. But despite Chris's I'm-a-calm-adult-addressing-issues-capably voice, his eyes flitted over Zach's face nervously.

Zach grabbed a handful of Chris's sweater and pulled him back in for another kiss. 

"Hey, so you've met me, right?" he said softly when they pulled back. "You might have noticed how I've been angling to spend all the time I possibly can with you? So I'm pretty sure what I need is to keep right on doing exactly that."

Chris embraced him tightly for a few seconds before he sat back. "There's more coffee downstairs."

"You're an angel."

"And I need to get started on those pancakes," Chris added. "Hey, I bet most of your post hook-up brunch dates didn't come with a kid wolfing down breakfast while he's covered in syrup."

"Oh, please, that's going to be hilarious. As long as I don't have to be the one to sponge him off or whatever."

Chris grinned bashfully. "You know, I always thought it would be a huge problem, trying to date again as a dad. I thought most people would run like hell when they saw I was raising a son on my own. Thank god you like kids, or we probably wouldn't have been able to work this out."

"Oh, I don't like kids," Zach corrected him. "Other people's kids, absolutely horrible and should be kept in basements. Jeffy's the awesome exception. But what do you expect -- he's your kid."

"Wow, okay," Chris said with a startled laugh. "Glad we got handed that exemption, then." He leaned in and kissed Zach's cheek. "I'm going to head to the kitchen. Come on down whenever you're ready." He walked out, taking the stairs at a more sedate pace than his son had. 

Zach finished his coffee in a few more gulps before he headed to join Chris. But as he heard Jeffy downstairs, laughing like a loon at whatever kid's show he was watching, Zach paused and looped back to scoop up the discarded Barbie from the floor. After all, Jeffy might get wigged out if he couldn't find her, and no one wanted that. Besides, she was still wearing that summer sundress she'd had on for ages. Obviously later he and Chris would need to take Jeffy on an outing to find a chic fall update to Headless Barbie's wardrobe -- after they had their post-sleepover pancakes, of course.

  
***~* the end *~***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts! If you like, check me out [on tumblr here](http://entrenous88.tumblr.com/). <3


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